Grounded

No Cedar Point for me these last few days...because of both air quality from the wildfires (these are screen shots from a couple of the CP live video cams on 7/16; we are praying for those up north who are way closer to the relentless smoke than this...)

and because I had a steroid shot to a tendon in that sore hip on Thursday, so I needed to rest 24-48. Grounded, medically...adulting is fun! 😜 Ultimately, I am glad that these things lined up, because I would have been sad if I couldn't go to the park and the weather was beautiful! Still I did get some knitting, done, including casting on for a test knit!

I'll only need 2 or three of these contrast colors to go with, but other than the pink, I'm not yet sure what else will be making it's appearance in the final project...

Also, after the girlies left, I officially finished and blocked that sweater (Yay! No more Sleeve Island!) Pictures of me wearing the blocked sweater will be coming soon, I hope!

This week has been an emotional one, so I am glad for the garter stitch bottom of that test knit, to help regulate me. Saying good-bye to the visiting granddaughters, having medical stuff, and the sudden loss of a good friend have me feeling raw. None of it is super bad, but some was certainly unforeseen, and I often have trouble turning corners on the pivot. 

I went to my hip doc on Tuesday for a follow up, since the back surgery didn't seem very effective at relieving the hip pain, and he referred me for the injection. I expected that would come in a few weeks, but there was a cancellation, so I jumped on it. Won't know for a week or so how effective it will be, but my fingers are certainly crossed! 

The biggest feels I have felt this week, though, have followed the sudden passing of a good friend and mentor on Monday. My sweet friend had a massive stroke on Saturday, following a big family event, where I hear that she enjoyed herself immensely! The two are not related, and I might find the association tragic, except that I know her...and I know that she left with her eyes on Jesus, praise God! 

Before she died, she danced at a wedding and held her newest great-grandchild...and I think we could all wish for exit-prep as lovely as that. Hugs and love, cake and dancing, then celebrating with Jesus and all those who have gone before her...yes, lovely.

This is where it hits me in the feels: 

• I can never have coffee or lunch or dinner with Bobbie again, here on earth.
• I will never again hear her laugh, here on earth.
• I will never again get a card in the mail from Bobbie, like this last one she sent after my surgery. 

This is where I review the reasons my feelings, while valid, are not the most important thing:

• Bobbie is HOME in heaven, where she has planned to be for most of her life.
• Bobbie is at the feet of Jesus, worshiping and praising God with the angels and all who have gone before her, and one day I will be there, too. 
• Unlike earth, God has promised that there are no tears, no pain and no suffering in heaven.
• God sent his Son, Jesus, so that all have the opportunity to follow Him and one day live with Him forever in heaven...regardless of anything that has happened before. Jesus has willingly taken our sin on Himself to make a way, because there is no other way, as John 3:16 proclaims. 

I suddenly realize that I have grown into a grandma (complete with grandma hobbies, like knitting, right? Look! Another pig!)

I've graduated out of the "mostly weddings and babies" season of my life into the "mostly reunions and funerals" season. All of those life events involve family, friends, joy and love. The latter season often doesn't look quite as joyful, especially when I am unsure of a loved one's heart condition. And, although I cannot know anyone's heart as God does, I believe that He keeps making that offer of Jesus until our final breath. 

No pressure here, but I do want to say that I hope you have found Jesus already in your life. The Christian life, here on earth, is not always better or smoother...but it changes your perspective, in the view of eternal life (eventually) with Jesus. If you have questions, I'd love to have a conversation, because I'd like to see you in heaven with me someday. 

If you're not ready, I get that too. We can certainly still be friends, and I will keep loving you. But it does make me a little sad to know that I may not see you in heaven, and you may never see Jesus up close and personal. Again, no pressure. What I want and feel is not the most important thing. 

If you're still reading, thanks for letting me say my piece. I am glad that you are here, and I hope we have many years to be online and/or "in real life" friends, whether you knit or not. The world is full of wonderful people, and I count you among them.

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health!

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. 

Not the best photo, but
can't you feel the joy? 

What Becomes of the Broken-Armed?

Knamma is what my middle grandson calls me, when his tongue is too lazy for the "gr" sound...lol, and I am a knitting knamma! As you (and Taylor Swift) know, knitters gonna knit, knit, knit, knit, knit...and I've been knitting for the grandkids from the beginning. It started with sweaters for their little, baby bodies before it moved into toys, and these three monsters were one of the first toy adventures for the boys' house, in 2019:

Now that the boys have a dog, sometimes toys are caught in battle situations. While I am no Doc McStuffins, when I saw this poor guy's arm last week, my heart broke a little: 

So, as a knitting knamma does, I mustered the troops (actually a small collection of rubber duck nurses), and readied the operating arena and surgical tools...

You may not know this, but this type of prosthetic surgery is typically done with no anesthesia, so it was really no surprise that the patient wanted to try out that new arm before I was even finished with the procedure.

In the end, the hardest part of prosthetic surgery turned out to be matching skin tones. Just like flesh, yellow yarns come in many shades, and even though I got close(-ish?)...we will always be able to see where I mended that broken heart...errr, arm. (The "nurses" seem quite impressed with my work, yay!)

At least toys are easy to fix. I've come across three broken-heart situations in the last 6 months that I'd fix if I could, but there just isn't enough yarn in the world. Instead, I have prayed for the families of two young dads (Tony and Erik) and one young mom (Mandy), terminally ill and/or taken from their families far too soon. Their stories are not mine to tell, and I only knew one of them personally, but I have agonized through my prayers for friends at the pain these losses have brought.

I've also been reminded that this life is full of uncertainty and things that are out of my control. I am glad to know that there is One greater than me who is in control, and I have prayed that He will watch over these families, weaving his love through their broken hearts and surrounding them with the love of family and friends who point to an eternity of hope. 

If you have lost a loved one recently, or too soon, or ever...I pray that you would lean into faith, call on the name of Jesus, and trust that He is enough. The Bible tells me that He has prepared a place for me, and that there will be no more pain or tears in heaven. I lean on this when I have pain and tears on earth, and I remember that answering his call is something I must do daily...hourly even. 

And now, celebrating like it's the end of a major sporting event for those gone to heaven (some far too soon in my mind), I lift my John 3:16 sign and remind you that "God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." 

Physical life is fleeting, but spiritual life can be an eternity of joy. I hope you will reach for that joy in all things, especially if you are feeling broken-hearted today. 

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health!

Young Blood

Hard topic today, because I wasn't ready a few weeks ago...

This morning, I asked Alexa to define young blood, and she replied, "Young blood typically refers to youthful people. It can also apply to fresh, revitalizing ideas or vigor."

This answer made me curious, so I followed up with a question about the science of young blood, and I learned that there is some scientific evidence that young blood contains molecules that may have rejuvenating effects, including "specific proteins that can improve cognitive function and skin cell regeneration." Who knew? Well, I suppose the scientists did! 🤣

Before we go any further, please know that I have not fact-checked this AI response, and I'm also not researching cosmetics or fountain-of-youth products! The thing that prompted me into this rabbit hole is that my cousin passed away on Christmas day, just a few minutes after she and I had been texting holiday greetings...but I don't feel old enough for that to have happened. I still have young blood, don't I?

Teresa (DeLuca) McQuay is not the first person I've known to pass away from among my peers, but she is the first of this cousin group to pass on to the next life, and it makes me so sad for her kids, her brother...and also for me. 

Teresa was 59, and I've known her since 1968, when I was born. Neither one of us had regularly been referred to as "young" in many years (unless you count time spent with our moms!), but I would venture to guess that, like me, she wasn't feeling like she was old. I mean we're not as young as we were in 1973,

or 1982, or 1997, or even 2003,

but we're certainly not OLD!, and it feels unfair that she would have to leave so suddenly, without having the opportunity to meet any grandchildren that may come along. Wasn't 1983 just a few years ago? 

Hmmm, no. I guess not, but that cousin bond can be strong. Some even compare it to a semi-sibling-style relationship, or mention that cousins are our first (maybe forced) friends as well as family...which is not wrong. (If you can't tell from those 80s photos, Tre was a bit of a rebel. She was Sandy at the end of Grease, while I was Sandy-fresh-off-the-boat...but we were friends!) While we hadn't talked often recently, when we did, we laughed over many shared memories of our childhood and teenage years, and we celebrated the women we have become. 

Just a few years back, in 2021, almost all 8 of us cousins got together to celebrate one of our parents, Aunt Mickey, who passed away during the awful year of Covid.

We talked, and we laughed, and we remembered together, as you do...it was so very good...and the bond was still there, as she grabbed my hand for the photo. 

Memories of late-night gab sessions when she stayed at my house...

 

Memories of holiday photos taken on the front porch, or in front of the tree, with Grandpa Joe's little camera (not instant, you got one chance at the "right face"... did you choose well? We'll find out when the film is developed!)...followed by cookies in Grandma's kitchen...

Memories of running around Euclid, while Tre and I stayed at Mary's house in the summer...

Memories of board games, and sleepovers, and shocking (at the time) truths between cousins...

All these memories add up to a life, no matter how many years it lasts...so I'll keep making more, but (sadly) not with my cousin, Teresa.

Zach, Ricky & Kylie, Rich, Tony, Patti, Kim...she was amazing, wasn't she? Keep her memory alive in your hearts, and her legacy will continue to bless you, and your children and their children, for generations to come. 

Blog friends, treasure your loved ones as long as you can, for none of us knows the hour of our death. Love one another well, whether your blood is young or old, and your legacy will be love. 

Thanks for stopping by, and for listening...and Knit in Good Health. 

New Year, Same Pretty

It is only day two, but so far this year, I have made some accomplishments:

I finished a project I started last year (ok, on December 29th, which was last year), a pair of birthday gloves. 

I cleaned out a closet. (I know, it is still cluttered...you'll have to trust me that it is better, or ask one of my kids!) 

And I went through some old photos, uncovering this gem (which you may already have seen on Facebook or IG).

The latter was prompted by the recent loss of my mom's sister, my Aunt Mickey. 

My mom and her sisters were like those little monkeys you sometimes see in figurines depicting "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil." When they were together, they had a lot of fun! Sometimes they kept each other out of trouble (I think my mom may have been the biggest troublemaker...), and I am sure that sometimes they spurred one another into mischief!

Through it all, they leaned on one another...even when they weren't always happy with each other. Their sisterhood, both literal and figurative, is what sisterhood should be. I can only imagine the heart-voids my mom and her older sister are experiencing, and I feel it too.

As I grieve with my mom and aunt, my uncle, and my cousins, I remember most that my Aunt Mickey always made me smile! A few years back, for my 50th birthday, she sent me a singing card that proclaimed "50's the New 40! At least it is on you!," and that card made my whole year! 

I remember calling my aunt to check in, while she was recovering from some procedure or other, and she lifted my spirits and told me how much she loved seeing photos of my grandchildren on Facebook. 

I remember the birthdays that were made special by a "16 box" or a "21 box," I can visualize her eyes lighting up as she counted out 16 band-aids or 21 q-tips to include.

I remember once going with her to a wedding, she had made the cake, which was "drooping" in the heat of that summer day. In the lobby of the church, I watched her stuff styrofoam plates into one of the layers to level it, then frosting over the fix and attaching sugar flowers she had made from royal icing to finish the repair. I also remember that we left that wedding long before the cake was cut! 

I remember spending a week with my cousin Mary (her only daughter, Mary had 3 brothers) at Aunt Mickey's tiny house in the summer...I was 12 or 13. One day, it was my turn to take out the trash, and I did not know how to do that. It wasn't a chore I did at home, and I was literally clueless as to how and where to take that trash bag out! She was gentle (through her laughter), and she taught me a new thing. 

My Aunt Mickey taught people to laugh by laughing...I rarely saw her without a smile close at hand.  She taught people to love by loving them well...I never have to look far to see many who were loved by her, even in their less-than-lovable moments (myself included). She taught us to cook and to bake, and she has children, grandchildren and other relatives (like me!) who will do our best to be sure her recipes go on, and that our families are loved through taste-buds and tummies as well as hearts. 

It is hard to start this new year in the knowledge that I will not see her smile again, except in pictures, so I am going to keep looking at the pictures. I will not taste her cooking, except when I follow her recipes, so I will keep cooking. I will not hear her encouragement, except in my memories, but I can keep encouraging others. 

Uncle Bill, Billy, David, Mary and Jimmy, spouses and kiddos and significant friends and family, I am so sorry for your loss, but I know she would not want us to dwell. As we grieve, let's also do all we can to spread the joy she has left behind...and let's make 2021 a good year! 

Live, Laugh and Love well, like Aunt Mickey did.

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health! 

How Many Times?

As long as I have been a Christian, I have struggled with scripture. I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, and this is where I learn about who God is and who I can be. I read of God's promises to his people, most notably the promise of life eternal life with him, that are available through a relationship with him. 

Each time I read my Bible, I struggle with the fact that the all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present God could offer me such promises. After all, I am imperfect, irresponsible and inseparable from sin...how could the perfect God love the me that I know he knows I am? Yet I believe that he does.

I also struggle with God's guidelines for how I should live and love in light of His perfect love for me. The greatest commandment given to his people is to love God and love others (Matt 22:37-40; Mark 12:30-31; Luke 10:27; John 13:34-35). And if God can love me, can forgive me, can welcome me into relationship with him, certainly I can do that for others, right? 

I know God has shared his love with me, and that I should freely share my love with others. It is easy with the people I like, the ones who are kind to me and who love me first. But just like a pre-schooler with a new toy, I don't often feel like sharing with someone who has snatched something out of my hand, or out of my life. 

"How many times should I forgive?," said Peter to Jesus in Matthew 18:21, and Jesus' answer was basically this: More times than you can count, silly! I get that, and I understand that forgiveness is all about my response, and not so much about the one who has "trespassed against" me (Matt 6:12). 

I know that if a person sins against me, and even if they continue to sin against me, it is my responsibility to forgive. Even where there is not repentance or remorse, even when I must remove that person from my life, I also must forgive. Some of the little sins are easy, but what about the big stuff?

What about a person who has really, really wronged me, or someone I love? I have been working hard to forgive a person like that for the past 3+ years. The words are easy enough to say, and there are things I can do to show my intent to forgive, but I wonder if I will ever actually feel like my forgiveness is complete? 

In February 2016, my brother-in-law shot and killed his sister and brother. On that night, my husband and his family lost three people, two to death and one to prison. To say the least, the entire family was devastated. Much of the family is still devastated. In addition to the loss of life, everyone in the family lost the sense of security and well-being that comes from knowing that your family's "got your back," because at least one member of this family clearly did not.

Despite the great loss, Sweetie and I are choosing daily to forgive this brother, and it is hard. It feels like more times than I can count already. Each time we have been in contact since that night, through letters, phone calls and visits, we forgive. Although we have not seen evidence of remorse or regret, we have continued to forgive and love this brother as we are able. Sometimes I think I cannot go on forgiving him, and I wonder why I even try.

Then I open my Bible again. I struggle with the fact that the all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present God could offer any of us such gifts as his love, mercy and grace. We are all imperfect, irresponsible and inseparable from sin...how could the perfect God love us? How could he love that brother-in-law in prison? Yet he does.

I will keep trying because I want my brother-in-law to know God's truth and to experience God's promises. I will keep loving and forgiving because, if I can love and forgive a murderer, the other offenses in my life should be relatively easy to overcome and forgive. I will keep on loving the unlovely because God loves me, one of the unloveliest people I know.

I suppose that I may never feel the forgiveness the way I want to, but I will keep working on it, for God so loved me that he gave his one and only Son that I would not perish but have eternal life through my belief in Him. (Paraphrase of John 3:16, as I understand it)

Is there anyone that you need to forgive, friends? Let's work on it together. Bring your knitting, it may take awhile.

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health!

Blue Christmas?

This December has been a little blue for me. There have been some weepy days, some memories that have hit hard and made me miss dear friends who are gone too soon. There has also been much joy...after all, Christmas is almost here! But there have been tears and sadz, too, for things that will never be the same. I am trying to remember that these are just feelings, and that feelings are not wrong, they are just feelings. This is the advice I would give if you came to me with December sadness that you were trying to banish...I would tell you it is ok. I would say, "Let yourself feel it before you try to move past it," and I am thankful that I have in-person and online friends who have said the same to me this month. I need the reminder as much as anyone.

December sadz are harder than those that come along during the rest of the year. It seems that there is no place for sad and lonely in the "hustle and bustle" or in the "merry and bright." Don't worry at Christmastime...be happy...right?!? Not always. Let yourself feel it, for a time, even in December.

If you miss him, let yourself miss him. Remember the Silent Nights and the candlelight with joy, though you mourn the fact that Christmas Eve will never be the same. Treasure the memory, but free yourself to create new traditions. 

If that song, you know the one that she loved, makes you wish she were still a part of your life, let yourself miss her. Remember the sparkle in her eye when she heard the introduction, and the  way her eyes danced through the music. Treasure that song as a part of who you are because of who she was to you.

If a memory is filled with regret, because of something you did or said, let yourself feel the regret for a moment. Then use that feeling to move forward and do better. By all means, if you are sorry, forgive yourself! You will likely be the last one to forgive you, but you must...then work at avoiding that regret in future relationships.

If  you are feeling "less than" this Christmas season, this is the one time I would tell you to stop it. We all feel less than perfect, less than capable, less than talented, less than loveable, less than worthy...all of us feel that from time to time. It is often more acute when we think we should be planning Pinterest-worthy holiday celebrations and new traditions.  

But whatever you are feeling less than about, from a failed attempt at Pinterest-perfect to regret over relationship woes, remember this:  You are God's Masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus, so you can do the good things he planned for you long ago. (Eph 2:10) You are never less than anything, but you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14) and loved beyond measure! (John 3:16) You are forgiven, you are loved, and you are more than enough.

If you are having a blue Christmas season, I feel ya. Me too. It is ok. Let yourself feel it, for a time, then get back to living your life abundantly. (John 10:10) That is what God intended when he sent Jesus, that we would not only live, but live large!

As we all get ready for December 25, I am praying that we will be finding new things to celebrate every day, despite the sadz. I am thankful for new reasons to smile every day, especially when I do not get things right on the first try...like a dog (or cat???) sweater that must be knit twice, and even then is not really appreciated!

Find your merry and bright, and try to live there most of the time.

Above all else, do what you love when you can, and do it in Good Heatlh!

Thanks for stopping by, and Merry Christmas!