Joy and Grief

It has been a busy week. There has not been much knitting. There has been a bit, mostly brightly colored foot covers for little toes, and this is good. 

I have also had the chance to hang out with some friends that I have not seen in awhile. Some from the church I used to attend, a knitter who knows my heart, some new friends and an evening with my daughter (who has become a great friend!). There has been much joy in these relationships, and lots of opportunity to talk about what God is doing in my life...which is bringing back the joy.

One friend said to me, at dinner on Thursday, "Won't you be glad when 2017 is over?" You see, she knows my deepest woes, and I know some of hers. We have freely shared our struggles and joys, and we have openly spoken from the depths of our hearts. It is so good to have friends like this, with whom you can talk through the events of everyday life and also the big, hairy things - good or bad - that are happening in your world. These friends have mastered the art of laughing when you laugh, and mourning when you mourn, and sometimes just being still together. This is so good. 

I answered her question quickly, "No...I thought I would be glad when 2016 was over, and I thought I would be glad when 2015 was over, but at this point, I am just accepting that this life will be full of trouble." As I recall the evening, I realize that it probably goes back even a little further than that, and several of the big, hairy things have really knocked me down through these past few years. 

The thing is, as I struggled to just keep going through the hard stuff, I often beat myself up for not having pure joy when difficulties presented themselves. (James 1:2) I chastised myself, I have been chastising myself for experiencing grief. The losses of friendships, jobs, important people and family members have all occurred in the last couple years, along with some things so deep and personal that I will not blog them. There has been so much loss, and I have denied myself the grieving process, thinking that I should just get over it all and be joyful already. 

Last Saturday, with my knitting friend (and some new friends I met for the first time that day), I finally gave myself permission to keep the grief. The speaker at the ladies retreat we attended was enlisted to speak about Unlocking the Power of Friendship, and she was very good. Even though the theme was friendship, she gave a good insight on grief, and the fact that we all walk around with some grief every day. She gave us permission, and I felt like she specifically gave ME permission to accept that grief as a part of me. Not to dwell on the grief, but to accept that it may never go away, and to acknowledge that others will also come from a place of some grief in their lives. That grief will color our joy, but it will not prevent us from receiving great and pure joy, praise God!

The father of lies (John 8:44) has been telling me that I am not good enough. If I were, I would be getting rid of the grief, and I would have nothing but joy in my troubles. But then I look at Job, who lamented loud and long. He never did "curse God and die," as his wife suggested (Job 2:9), but he did cry out. And although he was again blessed with sons and daughters and livestock and wealth, his life was forever changed by the grief. I am sure that he did not just forget all that he had lost, but he let himself mourn, and then he allowed joy to grow while his grief diminished. 

Psalm 30:5 reminds us that "...weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." I think weeping can last a lot longer than through the night, and day, and weeks, and months...but if we are looking for it, joy will come in the morning. It may take counseling, medication and fierce determination, but joy comes to those who seek it through their relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Weeping may come back from time to time, and grief will always be a part of who you are moving forward, but joy brings life...not just life at its bare minimum, but the full and abundant life that Jesus came and died to give us! (John 10:10)

On Friday night, Dollface and I went to see Waitress in downtown Cleveland, and it was a joy-filled evening! Dinner and a show was just the ticket to embracing joy yesterday, and I look forward to many more joy-filled moments and days, even though I still have grief in my life. 

I wish you great joy in your life, and I hope that you have some dear ones in your life to help you find that joy, even through your grief. 

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Heatlh!