Crickets

Recently, I attended a ladies' brunch at our church, and there was a "stand up and tell us about you" moment. These moments always make me a little bit nervous, for several reasons: 

1. I like to talk. Some would say that I like to talk too much. So much so that I know the average listener tunes me out after the first half-hour or so, maybe sooner. 
2. Most everyone at church knows me, and they know a LOT about me. I'm a really bad secret keeper when it comes to all things Pretty, and I have occasionally been handed an actual microphone at church...so, yeah. There's no mystery here.
3. I like to think that I am funny. I like to think that right up until that moment I say something out loud, something that sounded really funny in my head...and even the crickets are silent. 

Anyway, while I was sitting at my table, waiting my turn to stand up and tell them about me, all kinds of things went through my head. Funny things. Seriously funny things. Imagine my horror, then, when I stood up and said simply, "Hi, I'm Pretty. (nervous smile) I've been going to this church since 1995. Sometimes I'm funny (silent pause, nobody laughed, not even the crickets. should I go on? what choice do I have?), and sometimes I'm not." Some of the polite, church ladies offered polite, church lady laughs, but the truth is that I bombed. Even the crickets were embarrassed for me.

Perhaps I should knit myself a cricket.
My cricket will validate me.
Always.