Three years ago, nearly to the day, I wrote this post. I wrote a little more in the next couple weeks, and those of you who have followed the blog know that our lives have been challenging since then. In reality, our lives have always been challenging. But this morning, I went back to what I wrote on February 10, 2016, five days after the most traumatic tragedy to ever touch our family. You know what I found? I found the peace that passes understanding* through the 23rd Psalm, and I found joy.
My life has not been peaceful all the time, or even most of the time, but there have been joy and peace. To be honest, as I look back at that post, I am a little astonished. I see what I wrote, and I wonder how I wrote it. It was an awful time, it is still awful to even think about the night that murder became a family memory. The days and questions that followed on the heels of an unthinkable crime, and the depression that has haunted most of our family members ever since, these are the things that make peace and joy seem unattainable.
Still, through all the change and hurt and confusion and helplessness, I continue to be comforted by God's word and my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am so thankful to be "leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms" of the Father, redeemed through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I do not have it all figured out, and despite the smiley face I slap on every day, I do not have it all together. But I have something better: Faith in Jesus, and in the knowledge that I am a beloved child of God; Hope that this life will continue to bring me closer to Christ every day, and help me to bring others close to him as well; and Love for a God who loved me before I ever considered what being lovable really looks like, and his love for me...a love that never fails.**
You know what else I have? Joy. In the midst of pain or pleasure, I have joy. In the midst of trials or triumphs, I have joy. In the midst of heartache or happiness, I have joy. Joy is not something that just happens. I have to make a concerted effort to choose joy every day, sometimes every hour or every minute even...so I do.
You and I live in an imperfect world, a fallen world, filled with imperfect and hurting people who can suck the life right out of a person. But, we have a choice. No matter what is happening outside of us, we can choose joy on the inside...and pray for others to do the same, even the life-suckers. A little kindness can go a long way, especially on a frustrating day. Being kind to others may help them find their joy, or at least stop trying to steal yours, and helping others find joy will bring you joy as a side effect.
Somebody once asked me how I pursue joy, how I get through this imperfect life without losing my optimistic outlook. My answer was this: "No matter where you are, it only takes a minute to smile and be nice, and I usually have a minute." I wish it had been some insanely profound, super-Christian answer, but the truth is that joy is pretty simple. Joy, like love, is multiplied when we give it away. So I smile at the grumpy cashier, the guy who rides his three-wheeler in the park with a permanent scowl, the exasperated mom wrangling three screaming kids...and sometimes it seems to help. Sometimes I even get a smile back...and sometimes not...but that does not matter.
What matters is that I have reached waaay down on a hard day to find a smile and share it. I have chosen joy, even when I felt like scowling back or rolling my eyes with a big, discontented sigh. But I do my best to choose joy. Also, I knit a lot.
Some days will always be better than others, but joy is a choice that you and I are always free to make. Choose wisely friends.
Thanks for stopping by, and Knit Joyfully in Good Health!
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