Knitting Season

Here we are, in the heart of Summer! When walks in the park are part of the plan most weekends...

When the cats want to sit on my lap, sharing and multiplying body heat to an uncomfortable level, especially if the heat index is nearing 100 F...

When kids get a break from school, and parents get a break from the break they get each day while kids are at school...

When knitters concentrate on smaller projects, because of course knitters still knit in summer! (And because Christmas is ALWAYS coming!)...

This summer, I continue working toward my 2019 knitting goals, which include:

1. January Sweater for me (my annual thing) **done, worn muchly, loved greatly**

2. Matching Christmas hats for my daughter, her hubby, and the baby (who will be 1 year old) **done, waiting for Thanksgiving** 

3. Wonderful Wallabies for two granddaughters **done, sent, loved**

4. A really creative gift for the annual knitters' stocking stuffer exchange (need 12-20 usually)

5. Harry Potter Scarves for girls

6. 1 year old boy sweater before the fall **started**

7. New hat for hubby, requested in red **done, waiting for Thanksgiving**

8. Slippers for everyone in the family (6 adults, 3 children) **started**

9. Make some progress on beekeepers quilt (a multi-year WIP) **re-evaluating** - how big a throw would the 232 hexipuffs I have makes? Should I start putting it together?

10. Knitted Nativity before Christmas  **done, waiting** 

I love that the Stockinette Zombies' annual KAL this year is really a GAL (Goal-a-long)! Writing things down in front of other people (or, you know, all over the internet) is a great motivator for me! This is good, since I have more than 200 hexipuffs* that I would really like to do something with...I started that project in 2013! Yikes! As a matter of fact, that is the one that inspired me to join the GAL. Have I worked on it, beyond the thoughts in my head? Well, no...but then again, it IS summer!

Fall, just like Christmas, is coming right up...so there will be time to put things together. As the song (and the Bible) says, "To everything, there is a season...," and Summer is a season for doing and waiting and anticipating lots of great seasons to come! What are you doing with your Summer? Meeting any goals? Tell me about it...

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health!

*Hexipuffs are tiny, hexagonal pillows, knitted out of sock yarn and sewn together in a project, such as a Beekeeper's Quilt. I'm not sure how big my project will be yet...

Back to the Happy

Happy Saturday, Friends! 

As I look back on my last two posts, I realize that it may be time to get back to the knitting!

Wait. What? The post title is "Back to the Happy," Pretty...

Yes, but this IS a knitting blog, and knitting is one of the things that definitely makes me happy! Like when I take photos of pre-felted slippers on the porch, and I can get the daisies in the shot...HAPPY!!!

Other things make me happy, too. A boy and his dog...

VBS Closing picnics, complete with singing...

and water balloons...

Starting a little sweater in colors that remind me of a favorite college team...O-H!..

Happy is a good place to be, and it is a great thing to share. After posting two Saturdays about prison visits, I needed a little more happy this week. VBS week, with its constant reminders that God is Good, was just the ticket. I embraced that as fully as I could, because happy does not typically last.

Happy is something we all wait for, and sometimes get, but it often disappoints...because happiness does not last. Happy depends on things that we cannot depend on...like a winning lottery ticket, a debt repaid, trust unbroken, some good thing that falls into our lap. When something goes awry, happy goes away. Happiness does not bring contentment.

Joy is deeper, and we must actively pursue it. Joy is part of the contentment equation that allows us to survive and to thrive, despite the ugliness we must face in this broken world. Joy is reinforced by a blooming flower, a cool breeze on a hot day, an encouraging word when you need it most. But joy does not depend on these things...joy is always there, especially when you rest on the assurance that you are loved by a God who is Good, all the time, no matter what...and I do!

After my last blog post, a friend commented on Facebook, commiserating with me about my painfully raw emotions of the last few years. She wrote about how hard it is to go through those hard times and still want to look for joy again. She knows this as well as anyone, because we all go through awful things. My response included the following:

"Sometimes  life is hard, but the only way is through with emotions...I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Then again, all my growth comes from the hard stuff. Happy seasons are for resting, and they come back around."

I typed that almost without thinking and hit send, then I re-read my own words. Truth. Did I even know that I knew that before I answered? When did I learn that? I am not sure, but somewhere along the line, I must have figured out that happy is not an end-goal. Happy is nice, it is good, and I wait for happy as much as the next gal...but it is very temporary. Sometimes happy only lasts a few seconds before the next challenge presents itself. It comes back around, but it never really stays long.

Joy, on the other hand, sticks around when I embrace it. So I will. Happy daisies will die. Happy knitting will find knots in the yarn, mistakes in the pattern, and (gasp!)  mistakes in the stitches, too. Happy people are not as common as social media would have you believe. (I am guilty on FB and IG, because none of you really want to see the melancholy Pretty that is my default, and I want to be sure those pictures do not make their way into the photo albums!) But joy is always there, so look for it...and spread some joy where you can, whenever you can. Spreading joy can also make you happy.

So spread joy with kind words, good deeds and loving thoughts. Spread joy by extending grace whenever it is possible. Find your joy, even through tears and anger, and remember that it is there for all the broken people, especially those who are not happy.

Off I go now to happily knit something that will (hopefully) spread some joy. How will you spread joy today so that you can get back to the Happy?

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health!

Imprisoned Emotions

Last week, I wrote about the process of our monthly prison visits, but not much about the thoughts and feelings that go along with it. I would assume that the experience is a little bit different for every person who visits an incarcerated family member or friend, but I am sure the visits are always emotional. I've seen their faces month after month.

This week marked the end of his second year at his current facility in the state prison system, and it has been 3 years and 5 months since he became an inmate. He is guilty, without a doubt, and there was never talk about him getting out of jail. So unlike family members fighting to free a loved one, or just trying to get through the current sentence, our experience will never have anything to do with preparing for a homecoming. This is as it should be. Still, he is family, and what family doesn't have difficult relatives? So we visit prison, just like we visit any other member of our extended family, difficult or beloved or both.

I remember our first few visits to the county jail. We did not know what to expect, or how often we should try to visit, and the process of coordinating the connections was occasionally frustrating and disappointing. Even when everything came together as planned, visiting jail was/is daunting. By the time we had signed in that first time, emptied our pockets and gone through the metal detectors, we were already a little worn out! That part got easier with time, but the conversations are still sometimes difficult.

In those first visits, he was behind glass, and we talked on a telephone. We had less than an hour, but it still seemed like a long time. The phone connection was static-y, the volume was too low, and there were other visitors on other phones all around us, creating a cacophony of words and emotions at various speeds and volumes. We did our best to connect, we laughed and cried as we talked, and the recorded message that broke over the phone line declaring that the visit would be over in one minute came surprisingly quickly. That last minute was never quite long enough for "I love yous" and other parting words.

Our visits now are a face-to-face roller coaster, minus the glass. After the hugs, we talk and laugh about sports, television, books, news, where Sweetie has been golfing, who showed up at the last family gathering, whether he has a new roommate and how his job is going. He asks about Mom and Dad, and we fill him in. I see pain in his face, but I wonder if he knows...really knows...or can ever really know how devastating this has been for any of us out here. Can he ever fully understand the ripple effect this thing has caused?

Through each conversation, I ultimately long for him to find some hope, some joy, some good thing, despite his own emotional wounds and scars. His longing to be outside the fence, to connect with people who see him as a person, that longing in his eyes is overwhelming. After three years, that is the part that still makes me anxious at the approach and emotionally exhausted at the end of each visit.

We typically have 2-3 hours, and sometimes we run out of things to say. Sometimes it is not long enough. I know that after that final hug, while we are making our way through the buildings and ID checks to our car, he is undergoing a search and returning to his place in the prison population. I know that we were his sunshine that day, and I know that he is already looking forward to our visit next month. On our way home, we talk about the visit and about things we might have said differently, things he said that we might not understand or agree with...and sometimes we just drive in silence.

For me, each visit is like ripping off the emotional scab of that day three years and five months ago. There has been some healing, but the scars of sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, and pain will forever mark me. Still I look for joy where I can find it, and I try to remember that there are no wrong emotions. I feel how I feel, and the only way to get back to joy is to let myself feel all that other stuff when it comes around, too.

Because this is a knitting blog, I will add that knitting helps. There is a saying that goes: "I knit so I do not kill people," so I pick up my yarn and needles after a visit and create a little joy in brightly colored stitches. Knitting brings "me" back to the front of my heart and mind, and it helps me to put all the negative feelings away until next time. I am thankful for the joy knitting brings.

Thanks for stopping by, friends, and thanks for listening. Sometimes life is hard, and I process through words. It is my hope that my process may someday help someone else in a tough spot, imprisoned or otherwise. I hope the rest of your day is good.

Feel what you feel, and Knit in Good Health!

Visiting Prison

Prison. I go there about once a month to visit.

Some of you know that, and some of you have asked, "What's that like?" Since today was a visit day and a blog day, I took a few photos and tried to deliberately think through the experience so I could share it with you.

Pulling into the long drive, there are trees, and lots of grass. From this distance you can barely see the barbed wire. We could be driving up to any institution.

Then, just like anywhere, we park some distance away from the doors. Something that strikes me every time I get out of the car is Old Glory waving up there...the symbol of freedom in this country, flying high, right outside the doors. Outside.

Walk a little closer, and you see two things off to the left. The high fence with razor wire at the top, and a Little Free Library. Children visit their daddies, and grand-dads and brothers here, and this blue and white piece of the outside provides books to read during their visit.

This is the end of the line for the pictures. I suppose I could take photos of where I take a number and walk through the metal detector...but once inside, everything goes into a locker except my ID and a money card we use to purchase snacks and coffee during the visit. No phones, no paper, no food or drink, no knitting...

So, we show our IDs, get a fluorescent stamp on one hand, and remember to declare my hip replacement. Once we have a visitor slip, off we go to the metal detector. Sweetie sometimes has to remove his belt or shoes, if they have metal on them. I try not to wear any metal, but it does not matter. Titanium hip, baby. After I set off all the beeps, I step around to be "wanded" by the guard, who pays special attention to that left hip. (Once or twice I've gotten a "pat down gently with the back of my hand," but it does not typically come to that.) 

Next, after being buzzed through two secure doors, we walk across a sizeable courtyard to another building. The room is good-sized and brightly lit, with hard floors and large windows on two sides. There are a few picnic tables outside. Inside is a collection of small, clear plastic tables (about 2' high, and 2' square); hard, white, plastic lawn chairs; and vending machines. It is not what I would call a comfortable room, and today it was not air conditioned. Bummer.

Still, this is not small, private or dark, like you might see in a movie. Inmates are not shackled. It is an open room, and several inmates and visitors move about and sit to visit. We know the procedure, show ID and hand stamp to the guard, and once assigned to a table, wait. It can take 20 or 30 minutes for our inmate to appear.

At the beginning and end of the visits, inmates are allowed to hug visitors. He almost always says, "I wish I could bottle hugs!" For the rest of the visit, we sit across the tiny, clear table and talk. We never talk about why we are here. So far, he has not wanted to talk about that, and we have respected his wishes. He holds all the cards on that conversation. We hold the money card, and I get him a soda and a sandwich. 

Today we talk about books that he has read, politics, the weather, food, family, trucks and Ravelry. Yeah, something is happening in my knitting-verse that has made it onto talk radio and into prison conversation. While I shared with him what I know (which is not very much), he looked at me in astonishment, and said something like, "Really?!? I thought it was all made up...like a joke or something!" No, no. Real. Knitters can be pretty controversial. Look up...nevermind. Family blog. Suffice it to say that even knitting can get ugly.

To leave, we reverse the process: show the ID and the hand stamp, walk through the courtyard to a third building to show the ID, walk back to the main building to show the ID and the hand stamp, collect our things from the locker, and step outside into freedom once again. It is good to be free. 

So, that is basically what a prison visit looks like for us. Is it what you saw in your mind's eye? It really never looks like what I once thought it would...but after 3 years of visits, I am getting used to it. 

Still have questions? Drop a comment. I will answer what I can, but remember that my experience is limited. 

Have any of you been on a prison visit? If yes, I would be interested to hear what you thought of the whole thing. 

Now, friends, I have been away from my knitting all day! So thanks for stopping by, and may you all Knit in Good Health!