Full of Words!

I am full of words. I love to speak them, I love to hear them, I love to read them, and I love to write them! I also am a fan of spelling and grammar, though I generally keep that to myself on social media, where I die a little every time someone uses the wrong your or there. I just want to bury my face in yarn and hide from the world when that happens. 

But I digress... 

I blog because I love words, and I think it is important to leave something behind. One day, maybe sooner than I think (because you just really never know), I will not be around. I will be in a better place, to be sure, so I am not sad about that. But a vain part of me thinks that perhaps my children and grandchildren might want to know more about what made me tick, and why I knit so much. 

In truth, my words are a lot like my knitting. Everything is woven together with a common thread, and the blog is full of my stories and yarns. Each year, I print a hard copy of the blog, and I tuck it on a shelf. When I am feeling nostalgic, sometimes I'll pull a volume down (I have been blogging since 2007!) rather than searching the online blog...if I am looking for a recipe...or I want to remember exactly when that big event happened...or I just want to look at my own words and photos on the page, in black and white (and stunning technicolor!).

It is interesting to me that the yarn and the knitting and my life are all so intertwined. The things I knit are often in response to events in my life, or the lives of people around me, and sometimes my knitting brings to me great revelations about my life. Whether I am working on a simple and sturdy hat, a delicate lace shawl or an intricately cabled coffee sleeve, there is usually a parallel somewhere. Even this morning, while I was reading my bible, I came across Psalm 139...the one that says (among other things) that I am God's masterpiece, knitted and woven together by Him in my mother's womb! God put all my delicate parts together and he knows me, from the beginning, inside and out...and he gave me all the words! 

And I think a cabled coffee sleeve is impressive!

So, if God did that (knit me together, on purpose, infinitely more complicated than any cabled pattern, and gave me this love of words), is it really vanity that says my words are important to someone? I think not. Rather, God gave me something to say, and he knows if there is someone who needs to hear it, whether friend, family member, or complete stranger. As much as I love words, I do not know who will read what I put here, if they will like what I have to say, or whether anyone will really care to keep those books on the shelf when I am gone. Vanity says, "They will treasure your words, Pretty!" But reality reminds me to write for me, even if no one else ever stops by.

But today YOU stopped by, and I am so glad that you did, because I have a message for you: God knit you together, too! And He has also given you something to say! You may express your message in another way...I know not everyone loves words or wants to blog...but the important part is that you do express it. If you are not sure what your message or purpose is, look around, see what God has to show you through his Word, through nature, through the people around you, and take time to decide who you are and what you love most. When you do, I would love to hear about it!

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health!

Yes...and No...

Apparently I was really inspired by that Excessive Contents class I took last week, because today has been all about throwing things away again! I did not toss everything, tho...I kept some photos I found, from the early 2000s...

Here I will apologize to Mork, Dollface and Sweetie. Also to myself. This was not a stellar hair day for me...lol! There were amateur photos as well, many from Christmas 2001, I think.

To top it all off, some materials from camp. Remember camp? I spent a week at camp every summer for nearly 10 years, I think. These were some of the craziest, funniest and most rewarding weeks of my life. I always felt a little like a superhero when I got home. Well, a superhero in need of a nap!

Kept photos and camp workbooks aside, I did say NO! to a lot of junk this morning, and throughout the week, and now this side of the basement looks like this:

I was going to reward myself with a cookie. But instead, I celebrated with a little crochet and #catonlap time with the midwives of Poplar...and a cookie! It was a very rewarding morning!

Cleaning out junk, from the house and from my heart, has made this week more exhausting than most. Still, it is good. God is good, all the time, and I am good today. I am not perfect, and I no longer aspire to be (on most days). Instead, I am working hard to recognize that there are limits to what I should expect of myself. There are limits to how much I can or should do, feel and say. These limits are as real as the walls in my house, the ones that limit how much junk I can reasonably store in my basement!

As I prioritize my life and my belongings, I am reminded of the advice to let your yes  be yes, and your no be no (Matthew 5:37). While not a direct application of the verse, in the same way that I decide what to keep and what to toss in the basement, there is a definite yes or no for each thought and emotion that I encounter...or there should be. If I do not regularly make decisions about what thoughts and emotions to keep and toss, my clogged head and heart will limit my ability to make a choice about anything. Today is a good day because today my yes is yes, and my no is no, on all levels.

I wish every day were like today. However, I am often frustrated that this yes/no lesson is one I must learn over and over again. Every time I think I have it mastered, another example pops up and smacks me right in the face. I suppose that is because I am not perfect, and never can be, this side of heaven. I have to continually remind myself to let my yes be yes, and let my no be no, at every step along the way.

Yes and no. It really is as simple as that, but it is a journey. Care to join me? We can bring our knitting and call it an adventure!

Thanks for stopping by, and Knit in Good Health!

Tossing the Stash

If you have been following, you know that I currently work in the insurance industry. One of the requirements of the industry is that I maintain a license to sell and discuss insurance products, and a requirement of the license is continuing education. This week, I attended CE classes to help meet that requirement, and one of them was titled "Hoarding and Excessive Contents." 

Hoarding is a disorder, with an accompanying diagnosis. As such, its discussion as it relates to the person(s) affected, is protected by HIPAA laws. Therefore, in the industry, the term used to describe the conditions you have likely seen on reality television is Excessive Contents. Translation: too much stuff in there!

As you might imagine, after that class, I came home and took a good look at my own home! Most of the place is pretty good, I thought...until I got to the basement, which I have been meaning to clean out for some time. See where I am going? Correct! Straight to the basement, where I made a mental plan to go through at least a bit of the stuff...to toss the stash,* if you will. I rolled up my sleeves this week, and dove right in to start tossing!

As I was tossing the stash (the yarn stash, the fabric stash, the craft stash, etc), I found lots of treasures. Things I had stashed in the basement 5 years ago, when we painted and re-carpeted the main living areas. Things I had stashed 2 years ago, when I left my job at the church and had to clean out my desk. Things I stashed last week, because I just didn't know where else to put them!

Rabbit trail: When Dollface got married, on December 30, I went down to the basement to get the iron. Sweetie was going to need his shirt pressed, and although I had known this in advance, I did not set out the iron and ironing board early. So, with about 30 mintes until it was time to go to the hall and set things up, I went down to get those items, and came up short. I knew where the iron should have been, but try as I might, I could not put my hands on it. I ended up going to a neighbor to borrow an iron...so embarrassing! So much stash! Anyhoo...

While filling my third trash bag with items-I-had-not-seen-or-remembered-in-3-years-or-more, I saw something shiny...THE IRON! In all fairness to my memory, it was right where I had thought it should be when I was looking for it in December, but it had been buried under too many layers of "just put that there for now," and stash diving is not something one does just a few minutes before leaving for one's daughter's wedding... But here it was! The iron! Now I can iron! (Side note: Who am I kidding? If I ironed on any kind of regular basis, I never would have "lost" the thing! lol!)

I spent two-and-a-half hours in the basement, tossing the stash, and tossing many unnecessary items that had not been seen nor missed in a very long time, and I felt very accomplished. I put things back together, took a step back, and prepared to admire my handiwork. Except...well...the basement still looks like THIS:

Yes, there is still work to be done, and lots of it. Even so, I stopped and rewarded myself with a cookie and a cup of tea for all the hard work. As I enjoyed my snack, I was reminded that my less-messy-but-still-VERY-messy basement is a metaphor for my life. There is a bunch of junk in my head, and in my heart, that I wish I could get rid of easily. I would like everything inside me to be neat and orderly, like that one stack of plastic bins against the far wall that you cannot even see in the picture, because it is hiding behind other junk!

Lately, I have started taking a look at the things I have stashed in my head and in my heart....anger, frustration, sadness, unforgiveness, bitterness. It is not pretty stuff, but it is there, alongside the faith, hope, love and joy, there is quite a bit of ugly. It makes me wonder sometimes...how can God possibly use me? Am I just a pretender when I slap on that smile and try to love others? Is my faith real? If it is, how can this other stuff still hang around?

What God reminded me of this morning is Romans 8:28-30 -  

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.

I know that God, regardless of what I have done so far in this lifetime, can work through the messiness of my life. He can make something good from me, even when I cannot see what comes next over the piles of junk! I walk through valleys, acquiring negative emotions every day. But God knew me in advance of all the bad times. Despite all of the wrong in my life, he chose me to become like Jesus, and he calls me to himself. When I continue to choose Jesus, day after day and everyday, I know that I have right standing with God and will someday experience his glory...even though my basement may still be a mess. Faith, hope, love and joy are there...just behind that pile o'stuff...they are in the bins along the wall, right next to the iron! I have access and can use them freely, even while I continue to clean up all the other junk, and this is how God continues to use me!

I promise that I will never come into your home to pass judgement on whether or not you suffer from Excessive Contents. Also, there is no one on earth qualified to judge the contents of your heart and mind...but there is One who loves you enough to look past all of the junk, and he is calling. If you have not yet heard the call, I pray that you will take some time to get quiet and listen soon. None of us can clean up our lives in a couple of hours or days...the cleanup will likely take the rest of our lives. But you and I can start whenever we like, and there is no time like the present!

Regardless of the condition of your "basement," I am glad that you stopped by today. I hope that you found some encouragement, and I invite you to journey with me into the unknown territory that is letting God rule your messy life! Feel free to have a cookie and celebrate each small victory as you clean-up and answer the call. 

Until we meet again, Knit in Good Health!

*Tossing the Stash is a term used by knitters to describe the process of going through all of the yarn to see what you have. Sometimes this is done unintentionally while searching for a skein of something special that you know is in there, and you deeply desire it now that you cannot find it. It is also good to toss the stash every few months, to check for evidence of moths in the wool, and to be sure that no skein has fallen prey to dampness, lonliness or other ills. Many crafters toss their stash, regardless of wool content and fear of moth infestation, just for fun! However, there have been others reported missing after "going down to check for one ball of the green..." and not returning for days. "I am not sure why she wanted green," said a family member. "She is clearly more of a purple and teal kindof gal!" To which the knitter, emerging from the pile of yarn triumphantly, green in hand and tears at the corner of her eyes, replied, "I didn't think you had noticed..."

Routine Post

I usually post to my blog on Saturday afternoon. But my routine includes sitting to write the post early on Saturday morning, and the same is true today. I am a woman of routine, you see, and knowing what comes next brings me great comfort and peace. 

I have always been big on routines. Perhaps this is a result of my OCD tendencies. Then again, maybe I've created a monster in myself by insisting on the ritual. The more I ponder it, the more I am convinced that it is a chicken/egg thing...I do not know which came first, but both are a part of my particular brand of crazy!

Even when I was a little girl, I loved routine. My mom often tells the story of times that I would stay with my grandparents overnight. They, wanting to spoil me, would consistently tell me I could stay up late, if I wanted to...but my reply was usually that 8 o'clock was bedtime. I don't remember it on my own, but I have heard the story enough times (and let's face it, I am still a routine gal) that I believe it happened just like that. 

When I had babies and small children, I was a slave to the routine, and so were they. Outsiders often saw this as a problem, especially when we turned down afternoon invitations in favor of our regular naptimes, but I did not. I needed to know that "down time" was coming as much as the kids did, maybe more! I needed to know that at 1pm and at 8pm there would be a break to the busy...and at 8am, noon and 5pm there would be meals...and it was blissfully like that on most days, until they were both in school. It kept me sane to know what was coming next.

Even now, I crave routine. I get up at the same time each day and sit with one or two #catonlap occupants to listen to my daily audio Bible selections, with coffee and knitting close at hand. Then I am off to work, or to do laundry (Saturdays), or go to church (Sundays), and the morning routine helps me to welcome the day. In the evenings, around 7pm, I lay out my clothes for tomorrow, pick out my jammies, and take a shower so that I can spend a couple hours sitting with my Sweetie (and usually more #catonlap and knitting) before bedtime, and this helps me to wind down and remember to be  grateful for the day.

Whatever happens in the middle of the day may not be routine. Sometimes things happen in the middle of the night that are not part of the routine. Life happens, all around me, and it is not routine. But knowing the routine is coming, or that it will return tomorrow, keeps me from going off the deep end, on most days. This is how I am wired.

I do recognize that some of you do not get this. You thrive by the seat of your pants, and you enjoy the adventure of not knowing what is coming up just around the bend. If that describes you better, do not get that! But I am glad that you know yourself so well, and that you are enjoying life! If you have people in your life that thrive on routine, try to be gentle with them. If they have a need to know what comes next, try to throw them a bone and make a plan sometimes. If they would rather sit on the couch and knit than go to a party with a bunch of people they don't know well, try to understand.

And if you are like me, a slave to the routine, try to get outside of yourself once in awhile. Adventure is scary, but it can be fun! Sometimes, even when life is not forcing you, you need to step outside the routine box and carpe diem! The routine, and your knitting, will be there tomorrow. However, if you miss opportunities to connect with people and live life abundantly, those may not come around again.

I have often heard it said, in various quotes and by assorted people, that we will not regret the things we have done. When we look back on our lives, in our golden and platinum years, the regrets will be for the things we have missed. So, enjoy your routine, or not, but try not to miss out on life. I am working on the same. Feel free to let me know (gently) if you think I am making progress. It is always so difficult to see one's own progress!

My routine says that, since I have nearly finished writing, it is time to change loads of laundry and get a second cup of coffee. I'm off to do that, and I will post this message at 3:33pm this afternoon, as per the routine. Whatever the rest of the day brings, I will be ready to embrace it! I hope that you are, too.

Thanks for stopping by, and knit in good health!