Wednesday, February 17, 2016

In the Blink of an Eye

So, I've been a bit vague. You know that something is going on, yet you don't know just what, and that was intentional on my part. You all know that I process with words, but when I wrote of my grief, I also wanted to be respectful of my extended family...and of their grief. To protect them, I didn't give you the details. Today, I'll share a bit more. 

My husband lost two siblings on February 5th. They were victims of a violent crime. They were my age. His sister leaves behind three boys in their 20s, and her husband. His brother was neither married nor a father, but my Sweetie's parents (and the whole family) are just devastated, as you might imagine. It is a terrible situation, and I know that many of my in-real-life friends have more details, but I choose not to go into more than that here in the least not right now. 

As I sort out my emotions, and the changes wrought in our extended family, I can't help but marvel at the number of friends who have offered condolences, sent cards, brought food, and held us up in prayer. Thank you all so much.

I continue to work through harsh and sometimes confusing feelings with close friends, and in the midst of that, an online pal offered the following. It was most helpful:
"Prayer is the answer, for sure. Also please accept a large supply of {{poor baby}}s. A BIG supply. A BIG ENDLESS supply. I order them from Amazon Prime. They come in a huge carton. You can also get the ‘carry along’ version - just the right size for tucking into your purse or backpack."
Who knew that you could get those in bulk? lol! But seriously, that's what I need to get through. I don't need anyone to say just the right thing, because there is NO right thing to say. I don't need more food, because I can still cook, and because I've eaten so many "comfort foods" in the last two weeks that my pants are getting tight. I probably should not eat again until sometime next month. lol! As I said in the Grief and...Grief post, I am in need of no material thing, but a well-placed "poor baby" is most welcome. 

What I do need right now is to know that you are praying. To know that you will sit with me, or hug me, or cry with me, when I need to. To know that you will not be horrified if I make a joke about the tragedy (or something else) while I am "supposed to be sad." Trust me, I am sad. But if I focus on only the sad, I fear that I will not get through this grief to the other side.

You know what else would be great? If you knew my brother-in-law or sister-in-law, I would love to hear what you loved about them...and what made you a little nuts! I want to laugh about their sometimes crazy ideas and antics, and I want to know that they were well-loved while they were here. I want to remember the best parts of who they were, and forget the rest. 

One more thing... 
If you have brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, parents or other family members...even if they make you absolutely batty at times...I challenge you to find something endearing and/or funny to remember about them someday. I know that I will never forget what a great baker my sister-in-law was. I won't forget the way she moved at lightning speed, always doing something, and trying to stay out of the photos I was constantly snapping. I will never forget how devoted she was to her family, and how much back-breaking work she did to care for the extended family. I will never forget her smile, because I will see it in the sparkle of her boys' eyes when they laugh. 

I will never forget my brother-in-law's laugh. I will never forget how much he loved puzzles, even doing them upside-down sometimes, because it just wasn't challenging enough if you could look at the picture. I will not forget that he was sometimes stubborn and frustrating, but that he also asked me to make him slippers for Christmas a few years ago. And I will never forget that he wore pink, fuzzy, hand-knit bunny slippers until the bottoms wore out. 
Photo Credit: L. Gail
We are only here for the blink of an eye. Make the most of your time with family, and do that NOW. Ask the questions. Tell the stories. Give and receive hugs. Eat and laugh and create things together. You never know when your last "see ya later!" will be. 

Love well, my friends. 
Photo Credit: L.Gail


  1. I keep you all in my prayers daily! Hugs

  2. Pam, I needed that! Hugs and love to all. Lana